Who Am I?
In high school, my mom gave me a book called Sophie's World. I have yet to finish it, but it is a book that revolves around a teenage girl who ponders on philosophical ideas. A letter is delivered to her mailbox almost daily, holding questions like "Who are you?" or "Where did the world come from?" It dives deeply into philosophy and triggers Sophie to seriously contemplate on who she is.
Well, I never finished the book. So I don't know who Sophie finds herself to be. But I do know that, much like Sophie, I have been challenged and led to dive deeper into who I really am, and what my purpose is. Instead of placing a random letter in my mailbox, God placed himself among the chaos in my mind to quiet my busy soul. He was permeating through my thoughts, and I didn't even know it.
In the midst of changes and transitions post-college, I faced a moment of loneliness and brokenness. There were times when I felt neglected and didn't feel at home in my own home. There were times when my heart broke because people were being inconsiderate to others. There were times when I was angered by the hypocrisy in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ. But above all, I was most broken by how selfish and sinful I was, and still am.
But you know, somewhere along the way when summer was no more and coats and boots were coming out of hibernation, it all clicked. One day, it all made sense. God spoke to me.
"Silly girl! Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Can't you see that I am molding you to become the woman I planned for you to be? I am giving you opportunities to practice Christ-like decision making and share a Christ-like heart! Don't you see that I am loving on you?"
All throughout my life, every season has been colored with its own trials. And I don't doubt that there are more to come. But the truth is, it doesn't matter. Hardships come and go, money comes and goes, time comes and goes... The most valuable asset I have in this life is Christ. It will always be Christ. All I have is Christ! A God who will never leave nor forsake me (Heb. 13:5), a God who loved me so much that he sent his only Son to die for me (John 3:16-17), and a God who gives me all that I need as if Christ was not enough (Rom. 8:32).
No longer am I devastated over my circumstances, asking God why 'this' is happening to me, or why 'that' is happening to the people I love the most... To be honest, I still don't understand why some things happen to certain people. I don't think all things are meant to be understood. There is an odd beauty in the unknown, to know that there is a God who orchestrates all things beyond our understanding... It's mind-blowing.
No longer do I linger over my feelings being hurt because of the difficult and different circumstances in my life. How can I be sad, upset, bitter, angry, what have you, when I know that God is using these situations to teach me more about being like Christ? Being loving, kind, patient, humble, and selfless... Even in the times of frustration and sin, God is using that exact moment to mold me to become more like Christ. Growing pains; I love it!!!
No longer am I bound to my sins because Christ washed them away on the cross. I am still a sinner in much need of daily grace, but I am able to boast in Him, about Him, who is doing great things through a sinner like me.
Perhaps this is why Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 brings so much encouragement and joy into my heart...
Ever since I've graduated from UCI, God has been slowly but surely revealing the meaning and depth of Romans 8:28-29 to me...
I am overwhelmed with joy everyday, knowing that each day has been designed by God for the purpose of his glory. So that I may enjoy the pursuit of holiness. I certainly do not deserve this, but I will gladly take it.
I love you, Lord. And that's all I want to do with this life you have given me. May I do so faithfully, without grumbling or complaining.
Soli Deo Gloria.
Well, I never finished the book. So I don't know who Sophie finds herself to be. But I do know that, much like Sophie, I have been challenged and led to dive deeper into who I really am, and what my purpose is. Instead of placing a random letter in my mailbox, God placed himself among the chaos in my mind to quiet my busy soul. He was permeating through my thoughts, and I didn't even know it.
In the midst of changes and transitions post-college, I faced a moment of loneliness and brokenness. There were times when I felt neglected and didn't feel at home in my own home. There were times when my heart broke because people were being inconsiderate to others. There were times when I was angered by the hypocrisy in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ. But above all, I was most broken by how selfish and sinful I was, and still am.
But you know, somewhere along the way when summer was no more and coats and boots were coming out of hibernation, it all clicked. One day, it all made sense. God spoke to me.
"Silly girl! Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Can't you see that I am molding you to become the woman I planned for you to be? I am giving you opportunities to practice Christ-like decision making and share a Christ-like heart! Don't you see that I am loving on you?"
All throughout my life, every season has been colored with its own trials. And I don't doubt that there are more to come. But the truth is, it doesn't matter. Hardships come and go, money comes and goes, time comes and goes... The most valuable asset I have in this life is Christ. It will always be Christ. All I have is Christ! A God who will never leave nor forsake me (Heb. 13:5), a God who loved me so much that he sent his only Son to die for me (John 3:16-17), and a God who gives me all that I need as if Christ was not enough (Rom. 8:32).
No longer am I devastated over my circumstances, asking God why 'this' is happening to me, or why 'that' is happening to the people I love the most... To be honest, I still don't understand why some things happen to certain people. I don't think all things are meant to be understood. There is an odd beauty in the unknown, to know that there is a God who orchestrates all things beyond our understanding... It's mind-blowing.
No longer do I linger over my feelings being hurt because of the difficult and different circumstances in my life. How can I be sad, upset, bitter, angry, what have you, when I know that God is using these situations to teach me more about being like Christ? Being loving, kind, patient, humble, and selfless... Even in the times of frustration and sin, God is using that exact moment to mold me to become more like Christ. Growing pains; I love it!!!
No longer am I bound to my sins because Christ washed them away on the cross. I am still a sinner in much need of daily grace, but I am able to boast in Him, about Him, who is doing great things through a sinner like me.
Perhaps this is why Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 brings so much encouragement and joy into my heart...
Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil—this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart.God has been so good to me, faithfully answering my prayers, and graciously giving me a new day to be his daughter. And in addition to that, He spoils me by loving me. God loves me!!! GOD loves me. God loves ME!! I look forward to the day we can share this joy together (: God loves you and me, and anything and everything in this world can be overcome if we cling onto this truth. Oh the honor to be used by God... I am humbled by his love for me...
Ever since I've graduated from UCI, God has been slowly but surely revealing the meaning and depth of Romans 8:28-29 to me...
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.I will leave you with a song that, I think, most accurately depicts where I am in my walk with God.
I am overwhelmed with joy everyday, knowing that each day has been designed by God for the purpose of his glory. So that I may enjoy the pursuit of holiness. I certainly do not deserve this, but I will gladly take it.
I love you, Lord. And that's all I want to do with this life you have given me. May I do so faithfully, without grumbling or complaining.
Soli Deo Gloria.
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