None but Jesus

Have you ever driven on a newly paved road where the lanes are separated by little reflectors instead of white paint? At night AND in a poorly lit neighborhood? Yeah, a recipe for accidents.

I was taking detours on the way home earlier this week and came across such a street. I prefer not to drive at night as is, so I was definitely a lot more nervous driving through this unfamiliar neighborhood. Then the car next to me sped up to merge ahead and slightly swerved into my lane. A little too close. My natural reaction would have been frustration, because I'm a big believer in enforcing stricter driving tests (I mean, how is it legal for some of these people to have their licenses??). But instead, I thought, "Of course. There are no clear lines. How would they know?"

Now this may be a far-fetched connection, but here's what I thought next.

This is why structure is necessary. 

What? Then I started to think more deeply into it. 

It's dark and there aren't clear lines distinguishing where to go. Does this sound familiar?

This is the world we live in. 

It's dark and there aren't clear lines distinguishing where to go. 

I didn't quite come to a conclusion, but I have been replaying that images over and over in my mind this week. And my heart is heavy. 

I think of the students I work with and some of their lives at home and life choices. I think of my friends who have yet to come to know Christ. I think of all the people who are purposefully choosing to live a life in this world, come what may, YOLO. I think of my brother. And I think of me.

My heart is heavy.

But! one definite measure of hope and bright glimmer of light I found as I reached home that night was that our God is good. The only way any of the cars were able to maneuver on that street was with headlights. Similarly, God and His Word serve as the lamp that guide my feet -- our feet -- in this dark world. 

You see, I'm not a stickler for structure. I don't do well with confinement, and do much better when I am given room for flexibility. But still -- I know I need structure. I know that it is good for me. 

Developing a habit is hard, but maintaining it is equally, if not more, difficult. The need for discipline is such a gift; I really admire people who are very disciplined. I pray for it second to the humbling of my prideful heart. Yes, it's that bad.

This year has been a year full of reflections. Maybe it's getting married or maybe it's learning how to live with someone else. All I can tell you is that I really suck at being disciplined. 

Maybe some of you share in my struggles, and maybe others of you struggle in other ways. Nevertheless, if you find yourself navigating through a dark place with little light and fear begins to swell in your heart, remember this: 

Oh how I love your law!

It is my meditation all the day.

Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me.

I have more understanding than all my teachers,

for your testimonies are my meditation.

I understand more than the aged, for I keep your precepts.

I hold back my feet from every evil way, in order to keep your word.

I do not turn aside from your rules, for you have taught me.

How sweet are your words to my taste, 

sweeter than honey to my mouth!

Through your precepts I get understanding;

therefore I hate every false way.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

...

Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O LORD, and teach me your rules.

I hold my life in my hand continually, but I do not forget your law.

- Psalm119:97-105 & v. 108-109 -

I hope that in 2017 & on, I will persevere and be disciplined so as to have His Word light up my heart in moments of darkness day in and day out. 

Soli Deo Gloria.