Oh My, It's July?!
I have been thinking and thinking, drafting and editing, but never got around to publishing an actual blog post. And here we are, almost in the middle of July. I don't even know where to begin!
This year started off with a lot of hoping and anticipating. Waiting paired with praying, sometimes with faith and other times- unfortunately- without complete surrender. But I can tell you this much: my God is faithful.
In September, I was so sure I was going to quit Elite in a month once I hit my one-year mark. I was counting down the days and praying to God that He would please let me leave Elite. My body was breaking down; I had gotten really sick twice within one month. I was still working almost 10-12 hours everyday. It was my first year in BAM, yet I learned how to be more alone than ever. My heart and mind had been numbed from everything and I was literally dragging myself to work. Work had become just work; an attitude I told myself not to have. The promotion that came unexpectedly mid-July was definitely not welcomed with open arms, yet it was the one reason I hesitated in quitting.
What if God wants me to stay another year? Would I really be content?
But- why would he want me to suffer?
If there are other people with worse schedules, how come I can't do it?
What is God trying to teach me?
One of my favorite verses come from Ecclesiastes 5:18-20:
You would think with all the changes I've encountered in my life, I would be used to letting go of control and understanding that God is in control. You would think I would have mastered the art of trusting, which is most often manifested in waiting. You would think. But oh how wrong you can be.
Fast forward to January 2015. I started the year with a nervous heart filled with excitement and anticipation of the unknown. Time had continued moving its course without giving me any warning. I had an elaborate plan in mind. The situation had not changed, but I had. God gave me peace and confidence in putting my faith in Him. I would put in my two weeks at the end of January, work until mid-February, and then take a break for about a month or two. It was perfect. I was applying for other jobs, but to be honest, I was looking for a break, not another job.
Without any prospects of a new job, I took a leap of faith. I learned that it's not taking the first step that's hard; it's really about continuing in the practice of walking so that I can walk more stably and steadily. Keeping up is the hard part.
This was a point where most people held their breath. Instead, I let out a big sigh of relief. I did it. I was terrified, but in my sweet and intimate time between God and me, He reassured me that it will be okay. I will be okay. And I was!
Now remember that perfect plan I had? Well, realistically speaking, it wasn't. It left me with an indefinite time frame of my break, and a great uncertainty of whether I will find another job. There were more reasons to fear than there were to have faith. Now remember what I said in the beginning? My God is faithful. In the week after my last day at Elite, I had an interview with Mater Dei. And in a month and a half from my last day at Elite, I started my first day at Mater Dei. Can we get a "Praise da Lawd"?!? Because, seriously. Praise. The. LORD.
Whenever I look back on the past year and a half, I cannot help but marvel at God's impeccable timing and faithfulness in all aspects of my life. Everything was purposeful, and continues to be regardless of whether I understand it or not. My time at Elite and my absence in BAM, though awful and lonely, were all purposeful. God stretches me in unimaginable ways, and no matter how much I fight against it, God's will be done in His time.
Now what?
I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot to experience, both the joys and the sorrows. There are current struggles, and there are upcoming ones both near and far. But that just means that there are many ways that I will grow from where I am, whether I know it or not. I am limited, but thank goodness my God is not.
Soli Deo Gloria.
This year started off with a lot of hoping and anticipating. Waiting paired with praying, sometimes with faith and other times- unfortunately- without complete surrender. But I can tell you this much: my God is faithful.
In September, I was so sure I was going to quit Elite in a month once I hit my one-year mark. I was counting down the days and praying to God that He would please let me leave Elite. My body was breaking down; I had gotten really sick twice within one month. I was still working almost 10-12 hours everyday. It was my first year in BAM, yet I learned how to be more alone than ever. My heart and mind had been numbed from everything and I was literally dragging myself to work. Work had become just work; an attitude I told myself not to have. The promotion that came unexpectedly mid-July was definitely not welcomed with open arms, yet it was the one reason I hesitated in quitting.
What if God wants me to stay another year? Would I really be content?
But- why would he want me to suffer?
If there are other people with worse schedules, how come I can't do it?
What is God trying to teach me?
One of my favorite verses come from Ecclesiastes 5:18-20:
"Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil—this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart."Remembering and meditating on these verses calmed my nerves, and my prayers changed from borderline threats to desperate surrender. God, I know you know my heart, and I also know that you have the best in mind for me. Regardless of what may come, I will trust in you.
You would think with all the changes I've encountered in my life, I would be used to letting go of control and understanding that God is in control. You would think I would have mastered the art of trusting, which is most often manifested in waiting. You would think. But oh how wrong you can be.
Fast forward to January 2015. I started the year with a nervous heart filled with excitement and anticipation of the unknown. Time had continued moving its course without giving me any warning. I had an elaborate plan in mind. The situation had not changed, but I had. God gave me peace and confidence in putting my faith in Him. I would put in my two weeks at the end of January, work until mid-February, and then take a break for about a month or two. It was perfect. I was applying for other jobs, but to be honest, I was looking for a break, not another job.
Without any prospects of a new job, I took a leap of faith. I learned that it's not taking the first step that's hard; it's really about continuing in the practice of walking so that I can walk more stably and steadily. Keeping up is the hard part.
This was a point where most people held their breath. Instead, I let out a big sigh of relief. I did it. I was terrified, but in my sweet and intimate time between God and me, He reassured me that it will be okay. I will be okay. And I was!
Now remember that perfect plan I had? Well, realistically speaking, it wasn't. It left me with an indefinite time frame of my break, and a great uncertainty of whether I will find another job. There were more reasons to fear than there were to have faith. Now remember what I said in the beginning? My God is faithful. In the week after my last day at Elite, I had an interview with Mater Dei. And in a month and a half from my last day at Elite, I started my first day at Mater Dei. Can we get a "Praise da Lawd"?!? Because, seriously. Praise. The. LORD.
Whenever I look back on the past year and a half, I cannot help but marvel at God's impeccable timing and faithfulness in all aspects of my life. Everything was purposeful, and continues to be regardless of whether I understand it or not. My time at Elite and my absence in BAM, though awful and lonely, were all purposeful. God stretches me in unimaginable ways, and no matter how much I fight against it, God's will be done in His time.
Now what?
I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot to experience, both the joys and the sorrows. There are current struggles, and there are upcoming ones both near and far. But that just means that there are many ways that I will grow from where I am, whether I know it or not. I am limited, but thank goodness my God is not.
Soli Deo Gloria.
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